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  “Aside from being too thin, and not eating, you’re selling yourself short. You’re every bit as pretty as I am. When a man is in love and has someone to love him back, he looks different. I promise you that when that special man, Peter, comes along, you will have a different look to your face. Remember where you heard it. I want you to call me and tell me I was right.”

  I placed my hand on Jami’s and said, “I’m going to leave New York. The day Robert tells me I don’t have that position as lead dancer, that will be my cue. I’m going to California.”

  “You can’t wait for him to tell you you’re fired. You have to make preparations for the inevitable. First, you need to find out how much money Robert owes you, and how long it will take you before you can get a job. What can you do besides makeup?”

  “I know how to write and set up a blog. I can blog and get someone to film me showing women how to apply makeup.”

  “I think that’s been done, and it takes years to make money—the kind of money you will need to take care of yourself in California—and I don’t think there’s a big audience for a man to be doing that kind of thing. I could be wrong.”

  The waiter finally returned and set before me, the most delicious fish, and he deboned it in front of me. I placed my fork into the soft parts and began eating.

  “Good, now you have something that you like to eat, and that should get your appetite going,” Jami said, with satisfaction that he could be helpful to me. “Where are you staying now? You know how expensive New York is, especially for a touring company.”

  “It really is expensive,” I said to Jami. “Before Robert started taking interest in that teenager, he and I used to share a hotel room, but recently he said that I would have to move in with one of the single dancers, and I refused, so now I have to pay for this expensive rat infested studio apartment, and I don’t know if I have enough in my account to make it until next payday.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll give you something until you find out about your money.”

  “Robert had been taking care of that part for me.” I closed my eyes and tightened my jaw, because I knew what was coming next. Then Jami’s brow furrowed and he raised his eyebrow.

  “What?” By the look on Jami’s face, I thought I knew what he’d been thinking. I was a fucking ass, because I didn’t take care of my own money. Those were my thoughts, but they came too late to do me any good.

  “You let Robert control the money you were making? Do you at least know how much he was paying the other dancers, or even you?”

  I bit my nails and lowered my eyes, and then raised them to meet Jami’s. I had tears suddenly well up, because it had dawned on me how stupid and naïve I’d become.

  Jami patted my hand. “Don’t kick yourself too badly. You aren’t the first young man to let a man fuck over them. It’s been happening since Adam fucked Evan.”

  I rolled my eyes and managed a smile.

  Then we both looked at each other and chuckled at that statement. “As I said, I will lend you some money if you don’t want me to give it to you. Don’t think you have to pay it back soon. Max gives me more money than I will ever spend on the twins or myself, and I have a company I sold to Max. That money is mine to do with as I please. It’s not anyone’s money but mine, and I don’t have to answer to anyone. Max wanted me to be independent, because he didn’t want me or the twins to have to want for or suffer if something was to happen to him. He didn’t want any board members to fuck us over.”

  “No I can’t take your money. I don’t want you to give me anything. I’ll be all right.”

  Even as those words left my lips, I knew deep down that I wouldn’t be okay, especially not now, because the man I had trusted with my life, my heart, and my security had fucked me over in more ways than one.

  Chapter Three

  Chase

  When I glanced over at Jami he was waving at two men. One was short and cute, and the other tall, handsome, wide shouldered with muscles, and a face to die for with a square jawline and trimmed day-old beard.

  He could have been a baller. I think they called a baller a football player. Damn, but that man was impressive. I hadn’t had time to watch sports or read much, but what I did know was he was hot, and the first thought came to my mind was I wished I belonged to him. I wanted him to be my Daddy.

  My hours were spent trying to please Robert and waiting for him in our hotel room or apartment. I didn’t have much time for anything else, as I waited in my thong for my spanking after I’d questioned him about the new hire, a boy of sixteen. Robert would punish me for suggesting that there could be something between him and that boy.

  Since he was my Daddy, he felt I shouldn’t question him about who he’d hire, and he stated that I was being paranoid when I asked about our relationship, that my jealousy had driven a wedge through what we had together, because he loved me and took care of me and what more did I want? But he never answered my questions and walked away without my anticipated, and needed, spanking.

  Robert had said that I didn’t have to do anything for myself, all I had to do was be a good boy, to be there and have a willing hole for him to fuck, and a willing body to dance for him. All I wanted was to feel needed and loved by Robert, so I accepted his none answers.

  I turned my thoughts from Robert and realized that Jami had been talking to me.

  “Those are my friends coming this way,” Jami said, all smiles and waving. I lowered my head, because I hadn’t engaged anyone in a personal one-on-one conversation since I’d arrived in New York, except Jami who didn’t talk ballet with me. “I hope you don’t mind if I say a few words to them. You’ve met them, of course, at my wedding.”

  I hadn’t remembered, because I didn’t stay very long to socialize when Robert chose not to attend with me. After being protected for a long time I never talked unless Robert said I could, but now I realized that he had other things on his mind and didn’t care anymore what I did or didn’t do.

  “Of course not,” I said, but deep down inside, my stomach was turning at the notion of having a face-to-face conversation with anyone outside my closed group.

  “They’re married and have a young son,” Jami added. Maybe I can ask to see baby pictures, but then I thought that would be too much. I’ll wait until they pull out the pictures. New parents do that, so I don’t have to talk unless I need to, I thought.

  I didn’t want to inquire about their private life, but if Jami wanted to tell me he would, but just when I was about to ask Jami a question about their son, the handsome couple was standing at the table introducing themselves.

  “Jami, it’s good to see you. The last time I was here at Max’s club, the host was, for lack of a better term, snotty, or better yet, since we’re among men, a fucking jerk. No... I’ll call him what he was, a dick,” Noah said.

  “You must have forgotten about the dress code,” Jami said, smiling up at the two of them. But I see Jake had to remind you, otherwise, you haven’t looked this dapper since I married Max, and you too, Jake, look as handsome as ever. You and Noah look great together and make a magnificent looking couple.”

  Then Jami turned to me, “This is my friend Chase.”

  I held out my hand, which the one who introduced himself as Noah shook and spoke to me.

  “I remember you, Chase. Aren’t you the one Max took as his rival for Jami? You know when Max falls in love he’s a terror. You’re lucky he didn’t do something he’d be sorry for.” I glanced over at Noah, Jake had grabbed his hand and he shrugged, smiled up at Jake and said, “I talk too much. My love says I talk too much, isn’t that true, sweetheart?” And Noah leaned against Jake’s strong muscular frame.

  “Sometimes. Like now,” Jake said.

  “Would you like to join us?” Jami asked.

  I was happy when Noah said, “We don’t get much time together since we brought little Jake home. At first I thought we would have to kidnap him, because of the hell we caught trying to get that gold-digging bit
ch to hand him over to us after she’d agreed to release him to Jake, who happens to be his father. I thought I would have to threaten her with bodily harm, but money speaks louder than a needle in her ass.” Noah looked around and up at Jake. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “No you shouldn’t,” Jake said.

  “I know, don’t remind me, the walls have ears,” Noah said.

  Jake tugged at Noah’s hand and glanced at him and put a hand to his mouth, but Noah carried on speaking. “I’m talking too much. I’ll tell you about it Jami. I’m sure you’ll empathize with me.” Then Noah turned to me, “You should see little Jake’s beautiful face, a small version of his father.” When Noah reached for pictures, Jake stopped him with a look. “Everyone’s invited to his birthday party and you can see him there and tell me if he isn’t a looker like my man here.”

  Jake’s cheeks reddened, no doubt from embarrassment.

  “Where is your baby now?” I managed to get that out.

  “He’s with my parents and we’ll get him tomorrow. But tonight is our night,” Noah said bracing himself against Jake.

  “Where’s Max, Jami?” Jake asked.” We were hoping to see him tonight.”

  “Home with the twins. He’s taking some time off from work and giving me a break.” Jake glanced over at me and I looked down. It was a bad habit that I had to stop. I’d been sheltered and Robert had been my Daddy for so long that I wanted his permission to talk and look at other men.

  I didn’t know what I would do if I had to face being alone now.

  Jake and Noah smiled and lightly kissed each other as they held hands. “We should go, because we have a big night planned now that the baby is away. His parents are going to get naughty tonight,” Noah said, glancing at Jake as he aimed a flirty smile Jake’s way, “Isn’t that right, sweetheart?”

  Jake wore a secretive smile and acted as if he didn’t want Noah to talk anymore. It appeared to me that Jake couldn’t wait to get Noah alone. They looked at each other as if there was no one else around or in the room but the two of them. That was the feeling and love I wished I had with Robert.

  When they walked away hand and hand to the booth, where the waiter stood patiently waiting, Jami glanced over at me and said, “Those two are in love. You can see it. Just like me and Max.”

  “They say opposites attract,” I said smiling, and still looking over at the two men who appeared to be as one and couldn’t bear to be away from each other for a second.

  Glancing over at me, Jami said, “You know, Jake and I are from the same small suburb outside of Columbia, South Carolina, but you wouldn’t know that. Did you know he was a well-known footballer, a star athlete and quarterback here in New York, and he gave it all up for Noah?”

  I took another look at the couple kissing. “Noah must be someone special.”

  “He is. He and Jake are special people and now they have a son. I wonder if Max and I could set their son up with one of our twins when they’re old enough.”

  “Which one?” I asked.

  Jami in his usual flamboyant way said, “Who gives a fuck? The boy or girl. I’m sure one of them will want to date him if he’s a son of Jake and Noah, and being raised by two loving parents, he’d be a terrific match for one of my twins—when they’re old enough to date, of course.”

  “Don’t you think they should make that decision on their own?”

  “Of course, but it doesn’t hurt to help things along.” Then he glanced at me. My mind had drifted. “Are you alright, Chase?”

  “I’m good. As good as can be expected under the circumstances.” I felt my lips quiver and my eyes twitch. Nerves.

  “Drink the rest of your wine and have some dessert. I’ll have someone get you a cab and see you out. Make sure you call me the minute you get inside your apartment. You shouldn’t be alone. If you don’t mind crying babies you can stay with me and Max. We have room in that enormous apartment. I bet someone could hide in there and we wouldn’t know.”

  “Really?”

  “Not really. Max had security install cameras everywhere. I can’t go to the restroom without Max telling me how pretty my ass is.”

  “I think I’ll pass on your invitation,” I said to Jami.

  “There are no cameras in the guest rooms and baths.”

  “It’s your private home and I don’t want to intrude.” I didn’t want to be where Robert couldn’t find me, but I wouldn’t tell Jami, and so I left the restaurant feeling that at least one person in this world cared about me in addition to my mother, and that was Jami Gold.

  Chapter Four

  Chase

  I’D CALL JAMI WHEN the taxi dropped me off in front of my building where I had to step over discarded pizza boxes left near the entrance. I knew if I didn’t call then, when my head hit the pillow, I would be out because of my drunken state. I didn’t remember having a lot of wine, but clearly I had drunk too many glasses when one glass would have been enough to keep me sleeping all night.

  The next morning I woke in my pants from the night before, and to my phone ringing. I reached over, held and swiped it. There I saw a few text messages from Robert, but I sure as fuck wasn’t going to answer them. Glancing at the messages, there were at least six. I rolled my eyes and sucked my teeth and said, “Fuck you,” at the phone. It took all my energy and a voice in my head not to answer it.

  Robert: I demand that you to call me back.

  The sub in me wanted to answer his text, but I resisted. Jami had given me the confidence to try to stand up to him.

  I’m going to punish you if you don’t tell me where you’ve gone to.

  My cock twitched and ached for the sting of his palms on my ass. I reached for my cock and then unzipped my pants, pulled them down and fisted my cock, stroking it to relieve me of the painful tension I’d been feeling since Robert refused to fuck me.

  It’s late, call me. I’m worried about you.

  His voice is softer now, I thought. Maybe he’s worried about me after all and I’m a terrible boy for not letting him know where I’d gone. I should be severely punished. I stroked my length faster.

  You’re going to get a spanking and I’m taking away your toys.

  I almost gave in and contacted Robert, ready to beg him to punish me and to declare that I’d do anything for him including accept that I’m no longer his favorite as long as he remained my Daddy.

  You’re not my boy anymore.

  Nothing hurt me more than Robert’s last text. My hand ceased to move and I released my fist from my engorged cock. That did it. I felt he had finally destroyed what feelings I had left for him, because he intentionally tried to be mean and hurtful. He’d been caring before and now he was downright nasty. He was the Dominant and powerful one in our relationship, and now with those words, he’d ceased to be my Daddy any longer. ‘Because a Daddy doesn’t hurt you. He loves you and cares for you,’ Robert had said when he first met me.

  Checking for other messages, I noticed that Jami had called me several times to check on me. I wasn’t suicidal and I hoped he didn’t think so, but I couldn’t be sure what Jami thought, because of the frequency of his phone calls.

  I became positive that the high I was riding while talking to Jami and drinking would crash, and I’d find myself in deep depression again. Perhaps Jami thought the same. This had occurred after reading Robert’s hurtful texts, and I could have been suicidal, but I was not.

  So far, so good, especially since I had someone like Jami as a friend. If I didn’t have him, I could be walking around looking for some stranger to fuck me in his car, or invite him to my small apartment, just to replace the security of having a cock inside me and lying next to a warm body, which Robert had once provided.

  Jami had talked me off the ledge and sent me home, because I’d been too drunk to do anything except sleep, and looking at the clock, I’d been sleeping a long time.

  WHEN I CALLED JAMI back and heard children crying in the background and Jami’s soothing voice
as he tried to calm them, I didn’t want Jami to stay on the phone long, because of them needing his attention. I was like those children needing Robert’s love and care and I understood their plight, which was why I tried to make the call short.

  “If you need money to get to California and find work, I’ll lend you some since you don’t want me to give it to you, Chase. Just tell me where I can deposit it. What’s your bank? Max owns several banks and it won’t be any inconvenience on my part if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “No you shouldn’t. I have enough money to make it until I can find a job doing something. You’ve done enough for me by giving me a place to live when I get to L.A.”

  “Chase. Chase, I want you to take it. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to you. I don’t want you to have to do things just to feed yourself.”

  I cut his conversation off.

  “The doorbell is ringing. I need to get that. I don’t want to be an ingrate, but then I don’t want you to support me. I’ll call you back, Jami. I have to go.” Jami continued talking as I traipsed to the door. Jami never let up about what he could do for me and that I should take his money.

  I needed time to think and it was a good thing the doorbell had rung, but who knew I was here in this apartment except Robert. Somehow I couldn’t break away from the feelings bottled up inside me. Knowing he would be coming to my door with bad news, I stood back, turned and walked away, not planning to open the door, hoping against hope that something had changed, like his boyfriend had gotten run over by a cab, and he was at my door to tell me the boyfriend was gone—dead.

  I chuckled at my morbid thoughts, but after those texts I felt that it was all over, and yet, I turned back and walked to the door.

  “There’s someone knocking and I have to answer this, Jami,” I said, not trying to be rude before I hit the red button with Jami in the middle of his speech. I didn’t want to sound desperate, but I was, however, I refused to accept Jami’s money. He had plenty, but I didn’t want my friendship to be based on him supporting me, no matter how financially insecure I’d become.